Being a teenager and the fact that I should be in high school I have many hurdles when it comes to making friends and keeping friends. I wont sugar coat it when I say being in your house everyday almost all day does make being relate-able to other people my age very hard. after losing nearly all my friends and losing the friends I made when I was just diagnosed, left me with a fear that I wouldn't make new friends or fit in. I very recently was talked into going to a youth group outing, to be honest I was very threatened by the fact that I was going to be throw into a situation with 20 kids from the ages 12- 16. yes I was one of the oldest but I still saw this a challenge. I took a deep breathe and walked head first into a situation I haven't been in since I went to school which was at least a year ago. this does sound funny and I'm sure not everybody can relate to this feeling but everyday I stress about being hurt again by one of my friends. I know that the friends I have now will always be by my side and I'm crazy thankful for that because I wouldn't have the strength or courage I have now without them.
I have to tell someone because my head is going explode otherwise.... in January 2014 it will mark a year since we placed a call into Ohio to a POTS specialist, Dr. Blair Grubb. I have been patiently and impatiently waiting for a call saying that have an appointment. as the days pass I honestly find it harder and harder to wait. I'm hoping and praying that I will be on my way down there soon, I noticed today that I no longer have noticeably "good" days and I'm just always struggling to find energy. I know I must try even harder now to stay positive and continue to keep fighting and pushing through each day. I always tell myself that I got nothing to lose so why not go for it !
for who ever is reading, I hope you live everyday with a smile on your face and step out of your comfort zone.
I remember being your age like it was yesterday. Not a day goes by that my heart does not hurt for you Hannah, not out of pity but out of frustration. You are a strong young women who really inspires me each and every day. I would do anything to give you even one day without this struggle. I love you.
ReplyDeleteI pray that you'll get your appointment soon. The waiting and not knowing are the worst. If you are given some answers, those can in turn lead to a plan of action, rather than that feeling of helplessness. You're right though - those people who are your friends now and have some grasp of what you're experiencing will be with you through it all.
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