being unique and trying to fit in

Being a teenager and the fact that I should be in high school I have many hurdles when it comes to making friends and keeping friends. I wont sugar coat it when I say being in your house everyday almost all day does make being relate-able to other people my age very hard. after losing nearly all my friends and losing the friends I made when I was just diagnosed, left me with a fear that I wouldn't make new friends or fit in. I very recently was talked into going to a youth group outing, to be honest I was very threatened by the fact that I was going to be throw into a situation with 20 kids from the ages 12- 16. yes I was one of the oldest but I still saw this a challenge. I took a deep breathe and walked head first into a situation I haven't been in since I went to school which was at least a year ago. this does sound funny and I'm sure not everybody can relate to this feeling but everyday I stress about being hurt again by one of my friends. I know that the friends I have now will always be by my side and I'm crazy thankful for that because I wouldn't have the strength or courage I have now without them.
I have to tell someone because my head is going explode otherwise.... in January 2014 it will mark a year since we placed a call into Ohio to a POTS specialist, Dr. Blair Grubb. I have been patiently and impatiently waiting for a call saying that have an appointment. as the days pass I honestly find it harder and harder to wait. I'm hoping and praying that I will be on my way down there soon, I noticed today that I no longer have noticeably "good" days and I'm just always struggling to find energy. I know I must try even harder now to stay positive and continue to keep fighting and pushing through each day. I always tell myself that I got nothing to lose so why not go for it !

for who ever is reading, I hope you live everyday with a smile on your face and step out of your comfort zone.

accepting a new life, new me, new perspective

   Over a year ago nearly two years now, I was dancing 9 hours a week and living life. Today my new "normal" as the people who really know me say, consists of everyday struggles to stay positive and learning how to live my "new" life. I live with  P.O.T.S, from waking up to going to sleep I roll a dice on whether or not I will pass out or not. Recently I was shopping in west Edmonton mall everything was all good until all of a sudden I passed out, without even knowing I was being escorted out of the mall on a stretcher. This used to be shocking a while ago now it hardly fazes me. I'm not an everyday 16 year old but my fight, stubbornness and my love of music keeps me going everyday and helps me get out of the bad places I get in.

  If we cant dream of a better day, if we don't dream of dreams that people tell us we cant achieve, then what do want from our lives.

   I look at myself and I see myself as a kid that can do anything I set my mind to do.
 Live everyday with no regrets and hold your head high. Be true to who your are and never say you are alone.
             
                   Thanks For Reading
                      Sincerely Hannah